Wow, I can't believe I remembered my password.
I MADE IT TO SAN FRANCISCO!
So much has happened within the past six months I might explode from happiness.
-moved (it was a much needed fresh start)
-got an awesome job rescuing shelter animals. now I am headed in the right direction career wise (FINALLY)
-after a two year dry spell, I started dating and am in a brand new relantionship with an awesome girl.
-got more tattoos.
-have a sense of self worth.
-have money in a bank account. This is a really big deal for me to have money and not spend it all.
-I am looking forward to this year.
How are things with you?
Good news: I have a job in San Franciso, well it's waiting for me in Menlo Park which is near San Fran. I have other job offers lined up in case this one falls through.
Bad news: I have to get rid of my dog. Which I don't want to do. Fuck, I don't want to. She's my buddy and I feel like shit not being able to care for her. If I had the money I'd just put her in long-term boarding.
I feel like a bad parent, however I will not have the time (I am hoping I get a second job to catch myself up and erase the massive amount of debt I have) and between one job or the other, and running around I may have time to sleep. Whcih means no time for her. I really don't want to drop her off at a shelter. I refuse to do it. I mean, there are no kill shelters around here, but I dont' want her to be overlooked. I did post an ad on craigslist, but I doubt anyone will look at it. I feel like a horrible person. I've tried looking for a foster home, someplace where she could jsut stay until I sort things out, hell I'd pay them, but they don't exsist. Because after 6 months or so I'd be stable enough to take her back in, but I can't just keep in a cage rushing in between jobs. I feel like shit. Anyone know of any decent rescues out there? I'd be willing to pay until someone adopted her. In fact, I want to pay the rescue for her upkeep....help?
I'm feel irrational. Yet, rational.
I went to San Franciso for a job interview (they said it will be a couple of weeks, going to call them Monday to check in). However, since returning, I can't quite shake the feeling that I should apply to more job interviews in that area. However, since I live out of state and I can't exactly keep flying from coast to coast whenever it pleases me, I've been thinking of taking out a small loan and just moving there. I am not looking for computer tech work. I would really want to work for a non-profit/animal agency type deal. I have a decent resume and excellent references. I just feel like my out of state address isn't exactly helping in this situation.
I wouldn't live in the actually city ( I know how expensive it is there), and I have a couple of friends who would put up with me for a week or so I'm sure.
I'm just..I feel like I need to do it, however I'm afraid that I'll never find a job in time.
Anyone ever have this feeling?
So got a job as a kennel tech (yay!
oddly exhausted even though I slept for 8 hours.
so I feel like i can't type.
I have a feeling there was someone here who was a vet. Or going to vet school? Or someone who has experience getting into med/vet/intense school?
Alrighty, well I've always liked working with animals. ALWAYS. And pretty much am an animal person. I think I could probably get the grades I would need for vet school and I already have plenty of experience (am applying to summer internships as we speak). My grades are average (3.2) but they could be better. I can't even remember what I made on my SATs and I know I have to retake some basic math (think algebra 2)-but I'm okay with it, but I wonder what the MIGHTY LORDS OF VET SCHOOL APPLICANTS will see it as.
"You seem focused, which is rarely a word that comes up when dealing with you" said one of my friends. And therapist. And even my mother.
So I should give it a go? It will easily be four or five more years until I actually apply. But preparation is key. I just don't need to lose my way.
Look at me! DOING HOMEWORK! BEING PART OF THE MACHINE!
Gah. Second week of class is almost over and I still hate that actually have to do this routine to get a better job. But hey, I'm doing it-perhaps to better understand how to overthrow it.
Nothing really amazing to report. Just that classes are fine. There are ton of cute attractive women around here. Now if only they weren't intimdiating and I could gather my balls up and talk to them.
I've been looking at puppies again, but I think I should get a car first.
Also, moved into a place where there is AIR CONDITIONING and carpet and only ONE roommate. Excellent (like how Mr. Burns says it)
And that is my life. Boring and only worth a paragraph.
I think I have figured out that my inevitable downfall will be caused by a woman.
My life up until a two years ago was very tumultuous, up and down, impulsive;very emotional.
Finally, I've got some grip on logic and what I actually need in life to be mostly happy. I'm more concerned with happiness then success. I figure if I am happy, then success will follow. But I digress.
Besides my transition, falling in lust, crushing so hard it becomes an obsession-those two things have made my daily life complicated. I feel so intense sometimes, although I know it's just hormones and it has nothing to do with love or anything like that. But damn, I get to know someone and boom, I'm hooked. This is going to be a problem. I instantly fall to their spell, wanting nothing more than them.
I keep telling myself that I need to get a hold of myself. Stop letting my dick take control.
Grrrr....of course the second puberty doesn't help.
I don't know where this blog was going. It's been harder to emphasize my emotions, most of the time because it's a mixture of numbness, logic, and something else I have yet to name.
I honestly think the neighborhood kids stole her. There were no signs of struggle or a chewed leash or anything. And she's not aggressive, so if a stranger came up to her it would warrant no reaction except a tail wag or something. I just hope whoever took her is treating her right and she is being fed and given lots of love.
well, there still is some part of me hoping that I'm wrong and she just went off for a little doggie adventure, the larger part of me knows that she most likely won't come back. And now, I have to resist adopting another dog right away so that I have something to come home too.
I miss having someone excited to see me when I come home. It hurts.
I haven't actually made a post in my lj for a while now.
Been on T for 4.5 months, progress is steady. My sudden voice drop and my scruffy chin caught me off guard-honestly I thought I'd have to wait until the 6 month mark to see any change at all. I need to work out though, my scrawny arms are a new source of dysphoria.
I got a dog about a month ago named Liddy and I adore her. Seriously-she's my life now. My best friend and everything. but yesterday I got home from work and she's missing or ran away or someone took her. I am frantic, I couldn't sleep or get anything done. I put fresh food and water out and hung some dirty laundry, so that maybe that will tempt her to come back. I called the shelters and they all advised to come on in and take a look at the dogs to see if any where mine. I'm just really really worried about her and am thinking something bad happened to her. Even though everyone is assuring me that this happens. I just...I'm besides myself.
I need a stiff drink.
I really hope she's okay
Oh man, oh man life without the internet is hard.
There isn't much to update, except I'm tired. Very tired.
Still working. Still rock climbing. Still taking trips to random places. Still saving saving saving.